Dungeons and Dragons
by Boo Radley 5000
Summary: We all knew that Beast Boy was a nerd. Now he's gathered everyone else to play his game. But what happens when a certain villain changes the rules... Not a Crossover. RobxRae Titans East and West.


Whooo. So I'm back after about a year or so. But with a new story! This one is once again, something out of my normal writing. Like always. So. There will not _really_ be any romance in this. Maybe overtures, but the plot is too strong and ridiculous to really allow for that sort of thing.

This idea sparked from a conversation that a friend and I had. Then it moved on. The summary outside gives you enough clues, and this chapter is pretty self-explanatory.

So go ahead.

Disclaimer: Not mine

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Warning: Ridiculous

Quote:

"Roll the dice to see if I'm getting drunk!"

-Dungeons and Dragons Spoof

* * *

"Okay we're all here now. It took a lot of work, but we're here. Now what is it?"

Robin was speaking for the group of teenage superheroes which included not just the Jump City titans, but also the Titans East.

Beast Boy stood at the front of the room, a folder stuffed with loose leaf papers in his hands as he looked at them all seriously taking the time to lock eyes with each one of them. The room was full of apprehension as they waited for Beast Boy to speak, his grim demeanor so at odds with his normally excited expression.

"The reason that you are all here today is because I have finally finished the research and the writing that I have spent several months doing," he held up the folder dramatically, "This my friends, is the culmination of my blood, sweat and tears. There is something in here that directly affects every single one of you."

There was silence around the room. The expressions ranged from Starfire's look of fear to Raven's look of distrust, to Mas y Menos' look of utter confusion. "Que?" Mas whispered to Menos.

Menos shrugged.

Beast Boy suddenly spoke again loudly, "Cyborg has graciously agreed to help me with this process and presentation today," Cyborg saluted, "And now we are ready to show you."

The tension in the air was palpable as Cyborg went up to stand beside Beast Boy. "We brought you all here today," Beast Boy paused, "to play Dungeons and Dragons!" he finished joyfully.

Cyborg grinned and gave a thumbs up as Beast Boy reached behind him and jammed a huge magicians hat on his head. "I'm the Dungeon Master," he declared.

Cyborg pressed a button and instantly metal armor formed around his body as he picked up a huge shield, "I'm a level eight knight," he said proudly.

The silence that filled the room this time was shocked. Then, "ARE YOU SERIOUS!" Robin exclaimed in disbelief, "You got all of us together, _all of us_, for a game?!"

"Uh," Beast Boy scratched the bit of his forehead that wasn't covered by his huge hat.

"Wait, we dropped everything and took our jet out here for this?" Bumblebee asked.

"Well," Beast Boy began.

"And what makes you think that we are going to waste our time playing this?" Raven added.

"Aw, come on guys!" Beast Boy pleaded, "I've spent months planning this out. Each of you has your own characters that I picked out especially for you. And the dungeon is amazing just wait till I describe it to you."

Speedy shrugged, "I've never played this before. Is it any good?"

Cyborg's eyes began to shine, "It's only the greatest game that was ever invented upon this earth! I'm a level eight knight!"

"You've already said that," Raven pointed out.

"The greatest game on this earth?" Starfire repeated, "Is it anything like Blonkerage? Where you have to get the Splornak in the Garnek without the Nlokrin calling Glesp on you?"

There was a beat of silence.

"Yes Starfire," Cyborg said, "It is."

"Why then we must play!" Starfire exclaimed happily, "Please Robin, may we play the game of Dungeons and of Dragons?"

"Starfire it is _not_ like-," Robin began angrily, but then he was cut off.

"It really is like Blonkerage?" Speedy asked excitedly, "That game _rocks_!"

At this everyone turned and stared at Speedy. "What?" he asked, "It does!"

"Just for awhile. We can play for just awhile," Beast Boy pleaded staring Robin right in the mask, "then we can stop."

"Look, I don't think that this is a good idea," Robin answered

Kid Flash looked around at the crushed faces of Cyborg, Starfire, Beast Boy, and Speedy. "What could a little while hurt, Rob?" he asked.

"What about our city?" Bumblebee said to Flash, "What if something goes down without us there?"

"Listen, we have our communicators and the jet is on the roof. Anything happens you guys head back and I can be there in less than a minute," Kid Flash countered.

"Can't Raven teleport us, anyway?" Speedy added.

Everyone looked at Raven who grudgingly nodded.

"Well, I guess then," Bee said hesitantly.

"Wait a minute!" Robin interjected angrily, "I haven't said that this is okay yet! _I_ don't think that this is a good idea!"

"Do we look like we need your permission?" Bee countered suddenly indignant, "You think that you're in charge of us all, baby bird?"

Cyborg stifled back a smug laugh, "You got yelled at," he taunted.

Robin bit back the retort that was trying to force its way out as he looked around. The Titans East looked mutinous. Nothing could have made them want to play more than his little power tantrum.

"Fine," he mumbled through clenched teeth.

"Well, I'll be seeing you all later," Raven began as she turned to leave.

Robin lashed out and caught her wrist yanking her back. "Oh no," he said, "If we all have to do this, then that means _you_ have to do it too."

"I don't do games, and I don't do togetherness activities," Raven stated.

Robin's face slowly screwed up into a scowl and his eye twitched as a vein throbbed in his forehead. "You will do this togetherness activity and game and you will like it," he snarled.

Raven's eyes flashed, "Or else what Bird Brain?"

"Or else you will have triple training everyday with me," Robin threatened.

Black power suddenly flared all around Raven and four blood-red demon eyes shone on her face as everything glass shattered. Then it all disappeared. "Fine," Raven said in a bored monotone. "Let's get this over with."

The Titans East stopped, startled and unsure of what to do, but Cyborg grinned, Beast Boy whooped, and Starfire floated happily over to Raven to give her a hug. Even Robin had a look of grim satisfaction on his face.

"So is this normal here?" Speedy whispered to Kid Flash.

"Apparently," Kid Flash whispered back, "Their repair bills must be enormous."

"Now," Beast Boy continued dramatically, "let me show you all your characters!"

Everyone turned back to Beast Boy as though they had forgotten that he was actually in charge. Beast Boy set down his folder and opened it, pulling up a stapled three page selection.

"Cyborg," Beast Boy began, holding the paper though he apparently had everything on it memorized, "is a level eight knight. He owns a full set of armor that he won during a goblin skirmish that is crafted from a sixty percent concentrate of mythril and a spear that he won during a contest of the wits with a dwarf queen."

Cyborg whooped and held up his spear and shield for everyone to admire. Starfire ohh-ed and ahh-ed and clapped her hands furiously.

Beast Boy handed Cyborg his profile papers which Cyborg promptly stowed inside his breastplate.

Beast Boy cleared his throat and held up another sheaf of papers. "Next is Starfire."

Starfire squealed and floated to the front. "Starfire is a-" Beast Boy was cut off.

"I want to be a magical fairy princess!" Starfire interrupted.

Beast Boy blinked a couple of times, "But Starfire there is no magical fairy pr-"

"I want to be a magical fairy princess!" Starfire repeated a bit louder.

Beast Boy and Cyborg exchanged looks. Cyborg shrugged. "But Starfire," Beast Boy began sweetly, "I've already made a very complex profile for you as a-"

"But friend Beast Boy, I want to be a magical fairy princess," Starfire said as tears began to come to her eyes and she stopped floating.

"Just let her be a magical fairy princess," Cyborg hissed.

Beast Boy looked shocked, "I spent a very long time-"

"Just do it!"

Beast Boy grabbed a pen and angrily put a large X through everything on Starfire's pages. 'Magical Fairy Princess' he scrawled over the top of them. "There!" he shoved the papers at her, "You're a magical fairy princess."

Immediately Starfire's eyes brightened and she flew beaming to be by Cyborg.

"Starfire gets the…magical scepter that allows her to do level one fairy spells such as," Beast Boy stopped for a moment searching, "fairy dust. Which allows you to let other people fly…if they're happy…and…puts sparkles in the eyes of your opponents…so they can't see."

Cyborg pulled out what looked like a metal bedpost. "Here's your scepter, Star," he said.

Starfire smiled happily as she accepted the scepter.

Beast Boy seemed disheartened for a moment but he rallied and loudly called forward, "Speedy!"

Speedy stepped forward smiled good-naturedly. Beast Boy picked up Speedy's papers, "You are a level one fighter!"

Cyborg held forward a thin sword which Speedy took in hands and examined with interest. "Speedy is a level one fighter with rags to wear, and a small dagger to fight with."

"This is a sword," Speedy interrupted. He swooped the sword along his side before pulling it back into a two-handed stance, "Cool."

"Right," Cyborg said, "But for now we are calling it a dagger."

Speedy swooped it along both sides before turning to point it at Beast Boy, "Bring it on little man, I'll slice you through!"

"That's the spirit!" Cyborg clapped him on the back.

"Next…Robin!" Beast Boy continued.

Robin moved forward with a grumpy expression on his face.

"Robin is a woodlands elf," Beast Boy announced as he held Robin's papers in his hands.

"I'm a what?" Robin asked in disbelief, "I'm an _elf?_"

"No," Beast Boy said, "You are a woodlands elf. There's a difference."

"What's the difference?" Robin asked.

"You don't start off with any weapons," Beast Boy answered.

"What?" Robin said again.

"Haha!" Speedy exclaimed, "You're an elf!"

"But," Robin sputtered, "That doesn't make any sense! Speedy does the whole arrow thing, and _I_ do the whole fighting thing. Shouldn't we be switched?"

Beast Boy gave him a withering look, "Of course not. You are an elf. Speedy's the fighter."

Speedy brandished his sword happily in Robin's face.

"Well at least I can still fight better than you," Robin growled at Speedy.

"No you can't," Beast Boy responded shortly.

Robin looked back at Beast Boy, "What do you mean?"

"You only have a power of three for hand to hand combat," Beast Boy answered matter-of-factly.

"Who says?"

Beast Boy sighed exasperatedly, "It says so on your _profile papers_ which you apparently didn't bother to read."

Robin scowled. Speedy grinned.

Cyborg handed Robin an empty caste and a bow. "Here's what you will end up using once you get your weapons."

Robin grabbed them angrily and stomped over to stand next to the wall.

"Next is…Raven!" Beast Boy continued.

"Oh joy," she mumbled as she walked up to the front.

"Now Raven is going to be a demon," Beast Boy said.

There was silence.

"Your creativity is amazing," Raven commented.

"We were going to have you at a half-level because you're a _half_ demon," Cyborg grinned, "It was going to be a joke."

"Haha," Raven replied.

"But you couldn't get any weaker than you are," Beast Boy took over for Cyborg.

Raven raised an eyebrow.

"You don't know any spells yet," Cyborg clarified, "Here's your empty spellbook!"

"So it doesn't matter that I already know hundreds of spells does it," Raven said flatly.

"Not at all," Beast Boy agreed.

"So Raven gets to be a demon because she _is_ a demon, but I don't get to be fighter because…?" Robin asked.

"Because you're an elf," Speedy answered whirling around with his sword.

"Bumblebee!" Beast Boy called imperiously leaving Robin to fume.

Bumblebee came to stand at the front with a hand on her hip staring quizzically at BB and Cyborg.

"Bumblebee, you are a garden sprite!"

"A garden sprite?" she repeated immediately, "What does that do?"

"It changes size and drinks nectar," Cyborg answered.

"Like a bee?" Bumblebee asked.

"Bees don't change size," Beast Boy pointed out.

Cyborg continued, "And the nectar replenishes you! Plus you get to learn spells. Earth spells!"

"Well, I guess that is kind of different," Bee admitted grudgingly, "What are earth spells?"

"Things like 'grow' and 'rock' and 'avalanche,'" Beast Boy explained.

"Those sound pretty cool," Bee said.

"But right now you are level one so you only have 'stone,'" Cyborg read from her profile.

"Well what's stone?" Bee asked.

"You get to throw a rock at your enemies," Cyborg answered.

Bee was silent for a moment. "Here!" Cyborg smiled brightly, "Here's your spellbook! It's a cute flowery one. And open it," Bee did, "It says _Stone_ inside!"

Bee sighed, "Thanks Cyborg, Beast Boy," she took her spell book and stood next to Starfire.

"Now there are only three left," Beast Boy announced.

Aqualad, Kid Flash, and Mas y Menos looked at each other.

"Right three," Beast Boy continued, "So now we have Kid Flash."

Kid Flash smirked as he walked swiftly to the front. "Okay kids, what do you have for me. Lay it on me."

Beast Boy smiled beatifically, "You, Kid Flash, are a human."

Kid Flash stared at him. "A human?"

"What?!" Robin exclaimed angrily, "_I_ should be the human. Or the fighter. Either one would make sense!"

"No way you're the fighter," Speedy countered, "_I've_ got the sword"

"What does a human get to do?" Kid Flash asked Beast Boy.

"You get to level up," Cyborg answered, "And here is a pouch. To collect things in."

Kid Flash stared, "Are you serious? Is this really a character?"

Cyborg blinked. "Of course!" Beast Boy answered irritated.

"Is it your goal to make everyone angry?" Robin growled.

"I'm happy," Speedy quipped.

Raven sighed, "Let's just get on with this."

Starfire looked at her scepter "Please, how do I use _Fairy Dust_?"

"You roll a die or something, don't you?" Bee asked.

"I did not know that you could 'roll' death," Starfire said looking shocked.

"You should call it _Star dust_ instead," Speedy noted.

Beast Boy started, "That's a good idea. Cyborg change it."

Cyborg grabbed Starfire's profile and turned the page, "Where should I write it BB? It just has 'Magical Fairy Princess' written on it."

"This is dumb," Robin moaned.

Raven glared at Robin, "You're the one that made us stay."

"No, Bumblebee is the one that made us stay," Robin retorted angrily.

Bumblebee whirled around, "I did _what_?"

"You're the one that made _me_ stay," Raven hissed.

"Okay, let's not do the whole glowing eyes thing again," Kid Flash said as he stepped between Raven and Robin.

Aqualad sighed and moved forward, "Beast Boy, what am I?"

Everyone stopped and looked towards him. "Ah yes," Beast Boy looked down at his sheets, "You are a cleric."

"And what's a cleric?"

"You don't know what a cleric is?" Cyborg asked, "I thought you read a lot."

"I know what a cleric _is,_" Aqualad snapped, "I just need to know what it means in this game."

"Oh," Cyborg said, "You use good magic. Like blessing and healing. You're level one so right now so the only spell you have is 'luck'."

"What does that do?"

"It allows the dice roller to add or subtract one to whatever dice roll they get."

"Well," Aqualad said, "that doesn't sound too bad."

"And we have your costume!" Beast Boy added brightly.

"Costume?" Aqualad repeated blankly.

Cyborg pulled out a long white robe with a white pointed hat. "We found it at a costume shop!"

Everyone stared at it.

"You got him a pope costume?" Robin asked forgetting his anger.

"No," Beast Boy said, "We got him a _cleric_ costume."

"Like the hat," Kid Flash smirked.

Aqualad simply stared. "I'm not wearing that."

"You agreed to play the game," Kid Flash grinned, "So now you wear the costume."

"No," Aqualad refused.

Robin turned to glare at him. "We're all stuck here. Put it on."

Speedy brandished his sword, "Put it on now."

"I'm not afraid of you," Aqualad said firmly, "I'm not wearing it."

"Are you afraid of me?" Raven's voice growled as black tentacles raced from beneath her cloak and she took a step forward, "We are all going to play this game!"

The black tentacles wrapped around Aqualad and lifted him off the ground. They were standing a foot away from each other. Robin smirked. Aqualad's eyes widened. "Fine," he spat, "But only to get this over with."

Instantly Raven dropped him and stepped back, "Yes let's get this over with."

Cyborg and Beast Boy continued as though nothing had happened. "Mas y Menos!"

The two of them stepped forward and looked at Beast Boy expectantly. "You two are hobbits."

Mas looked at Menos, "(Hobbits have furry feet.)" (1)

Menos looked back at Mas, "(I know.)"

"I see that you are both happy," Beast Boy smiled.

"Well actually what they said was –" Cyborg began. (2)

"What do we have for them?" Beast Boy asked Cyborg.

Cyborg gave Beast Boy a blank look, "What do hobbits have?"

"Um," Beast Boy chewed on his lip, "They're all British-y right? The British like tea. Give them the teapot."

"Hey!" Raven protested, "That's mine!"

"You broke everything in our home again, Raven. You can give up your teapot," Cyborg said.

Raven seemed to consider and then shrugged, "It gets broken and I will break your car."

Cyborg visibly paled and gave an evaluating stare down to Mas y Menos who stared back. "Deal."

Beast Boy handed the teapot to Mas who looked at it and handed it to Menos. "(What are we supposed to do with this?)"

"Not break it," Raven answered in English. (3)

"(Okay)," Menos said.

Then Mas y Menos went to stand with everyone else and wait for what would come next.

* * *

Okay notes:

1- I don't know Spanish. I could simply use a free translator, but they do not change the grammar along with the words so you only get a bunch of infinitives which isn't cool at all. So I'm just putting it in parenthesis.

2 and 3- When I was looking up the notes on Mas Y Menos, whom are two characters that I know very little about as they were created only for the Teen Titans cartoon, I discovered that while their own teammates do not understand them both Cyborg and Raven know Spanish.

Also. These are not written out ahead of time so I do not know the details of exactly what the characters will do although the plot is finished to the last detail and timeline. Therefore the rating may change (due to description of fighting and perhaps minor cursing) though it also may not.

And I am also working with a few characters that I am not overly familiar with so I've been researching them, but I may get them a bit off. I apologize in advance for this. I will try to stop it as much as possible as I _hate_ ooc-ness as much as the next fan.

Enough of this. Review please.


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